Bullying? Is there a solution to all the despicable stuff that is happening in schools?

For the life of me I do not understand this concept of bullying in USA. I was born and raised in India, in the southern most state of Tamil Nadu. We have had this issue of bullying in colleges once upon a time, and when matters got worse people have taken their lives- freshers who just moved from school to college with totally different surroundings around 17-19 years of age. And then there was a highly publicized case of a life tragically lost, Sarika Shah, when some strangers tried to tease her and her friends, with one even triggering another until a life was lost. (http://www.hindu.com/2008/03/15/stories/2008031553880400.htm) I do not want to go into all facts of the case, or what happened in the court case that followed. However, with that one case came a heavy handed court and police declaration that all women be left alone in colleges and a term called "eve-teasing" became prevalent. Any female student who felt harassed by her seniors/any other college members could just write a petition against the person(s) who was harassing and put it in a dropbox that became mandatory in every women's college. The college authorities would have to take strict action - most often leading to suspension/dismissal of the perpetrator(s). Teasing of all forms was banned in colleges. To some extent this lowered the incidents and the fear for all freshers joining college.
        Now, the above case mentioned college. But, how about school? As far as I can remember, there is no teasing/bullying in schools. In fact, in our system, the class students do not move from one class to another every hour. It is the teachers who move. If you are in the 8th grade, you are all in the class where other 8th graders are. Every hour, the teachers - maths, physics, language, social science - come to the class. Only during physical education class does the entire class move out to the ground. Even then we would not have dozens of other classes outside. If during this hour 8th had the Physical education, the next hour it would be some other grade having PE a class far away from your class. You are supposed to walk to the PE in line and walk back to your class in line.  There was no concept of walking in groups, or your cliques at any point of time except during break hours. During class you have no time to talk, much less bully one another. Before a teacher is due to leave the classroom, the next teacher is out waiting by the door most of the time. We have a system where we do not talk back to our teachers. If a teacher were to say something, we "obeyed" it. Irrespective of whether we liked it or not. We "respect" our teachers. We have a saying - "Mata, pita, guru, deivam" - Mother, Father, Teacher, God. Just the four words meaning the order in which we need to respect. Starting from the mother who brings you in to this world, the mother who introduces the father to you who is one of your first teachers, then they who take you to the (school) teacher who teaches you about values, about life, about God, and then God which can also be thought about us our conscience or self-awareness. What I want is for others to understand that we obeyed all four and we were duty bound to listen to all four. So if something did happen in school, someone did say something hateful, you could either go to your teacher or your parents and get a solution for this problem. They put an E N D to the problem and the problem-maker by either warning/punishing or figuring out a way to bring things under control. We probably were afraid of teachers and punishments for not completing homework than what someone else taught about us or how we looked.
        Then I read in the paper/internet news article that bullying happens everyday in the USA. The teachers do not say anything to bullies or bullied, they do not interfere unless there is some form of physical abuse and only then they get taken to the principal/higher authorities and also that sometimes a bullied victim who is fed up of being taunted who hits or strikes is the victim in the school as physical abuse is dealt strictly. Really? do not people know- us as adults - don't we know that abuse - be it physical, emotional, verbal, sexual are all abuses? That most of the time a  verbal abuse is much worse than physical? We have a famous two line poem written by Thiruvalluvar - a great Tamil Poet - who said
"Theeyinal sutta pun ullarum aradhae
Naavinal Sutta vadu"
-Roughly translates to "The scar left by fire will heal but a scar left by words doesn't."
Which I feel is true. We still remember hateful comments/remarks made by people around us while a fist fight or a wound caused by that subsides in time. So who should be punished in this case? I think a lot of people need in the capacity to make changes have to think how can we intervene and how can we stop this? How can we make sure that another innocent life is not lost on what is being told about them or to them?
        I cannot imagine how my life as a not really beautiful, overweight, short, teenager would have been or how I could have survived a system like what is here in the US. Maybe there is a reason why the children move from class to class. Maybe it is because of the various options they have to chose from to study unlike the same curriculum that all kids used from the 1st to their 10th grade and there is again very less difference in the 11th and 12th grade -just say a science (physics, chemistry, biology) or a non-science (accounting, commerce, economics) class. So, when you have you students from different classes all meeting in corridors, you need to come up with a system where they do not get abused, wherein every class just moves from one class to another; no bullying happens in corridors. May be there should be a teacher walking the corridors every now and then to see if the students are just walking to classes or making idle talk or causing trouble. The teachers should not be locked in their own rooms oblivious to what is happening outside their door or outside on the corridor. If a teacher cannot do it, then you should employ staff who can monitor the kids. Everyone needs to be accountable. A teacher can ensure that every child comes to her class or doesn't make a roundabout way to the class. This can be done when all students of a grade meet at the same place the first hour and a class appointed teacher can take the attendance of the entire grade. The students who are absent can be notified to all other teachers who have classes with that grade. So if 'x' students were supposed to show up to a class at 11am, but only 'x-3' showed up and the remainder three are late for some reason, the teacher must ask them why they were late, should make them stand if they have just been hanging around doing nothing, make sure that they are not part of a clique and have not caused any trouble in the class or are being bullied. These are things that a teacher needs to do. He/she can definitely hang near the door and make sure nothing bothersome is happening out when one class leaves and another is going to come in.
        Another point I would like to make is how 'social media' has made us boundary less. Anything that happened at my home, in my school, in my street, in my city, in my state, in my country stayed there unless there was a BBC/CNN in my days of school and college. But now, I sniffle and I put on one of the 'social media' sites I am part of; I do this, we do that and it is all on the site. So the impact is also that much when something happens negatively. A slant, a crude joke, a remark travels the world thanks to these sites and the mass video jungle where again the whole world can see you. Somehow, in making everything public, we have lost our privacy. Our kids are the ones who suffer the most. Also, we cannot ban this on our kids alone if everyone else is on it. Then comes another problem with peers as to whether you 'belong' or not. I think that kids these days have to grow up more quickly; they have to mature more quickly; whether they like it or not and that is in some ways very sad.
        I have a toddler and I have started to worry already - is my son going to have a good childhood? Does he look okay? Do I have to keep him on a diet so he doesn't get any weight issues? Is he going to grow tall or is he going to be teased for his height? Is his name(of foreign origin) going to be a reason people will tease him? Is he going to have an accent different from the rest of the kids that will put him in a spotlight? Should I just do home schooling for him? I do not think I should be worrying about all this. I do not think that parents should be thinking of all this when their DS/DD is just born. A non-working system should be fixed. The numbers may not be great, but they are not mere numbers. They are someone's most beloved and cherished son/daughter. I do not have a right to take away that life; you do not have the right to do so either. Neither should a bully be allowed to terrorize nor allowed to take the life of some dearest son/daughter. Someone who talks and behaves hatefully should be punished - whatever the age is, in whatever way that is appropriate so that it stops, so that in future kids can go safely to school, happily to school and mothers and fathers can rest in peace and be content that their little one is getting close to being the adult they choose to become in a career they want to shine in.
       

Rising and shining

True to my own words, I have decided to rise and shine myself! To start off, I have always loved the artistic people who seem to do so much with their hands and have always envied them and wondered how I have never been given that one talent (as if I have every other talent in the world :o) by God! I loved how a close relative painted her own dresses, decorated her home with her hand made stuffs, a friend of mine decorated her son's nursery with her own paintings, how another decorated her different rooms in themes and how there seemed to be a big gap or a hole in artistic skills where I was concerned. I had even got myself a set of fabric paints to paint my son's tee to celebrate his first birthday but never got around to doing it at all!!!

  Then I remembered that I had always begged and cajoled my mom into finishing my school art projects - drawing, sewing, cutting, trimming, gluing and all the rest. Wondered if it was because I was incapable of doing any of it or if I did not care enough about it, or whether I did not have enough patience for it, or was too bored about it. I still am not able to figure out what it was exactly. But I keep wondering how all of a sudden I have this huge urge to do something artistic. I want to sew, to paint, to cut, to glue, to make something out of my hands that for some reason or other have never done so far.

       So I go on a trip to Walmart- our find it all store- and try to go to the art and supplies section and load my cart with all things I want to do. I took some fashion jewellery making supplies, took some paint supplies, and some DIY projects that were half completed and half left to us to complete and marched home. And then, they sat at our home for a long time, being the procrastinator(Oh my God! did i just declare it online to the whole world!) that I am!  I decided at one point this year that enough was enough and scheduled the best time I could squeeze between my work, and my other commitments to commit to doing something with all the projects that I had ended up buying. I must say that looking back, in the one month since the new year, I have accomplished something..No, no coming from the person I am, I have accomplished a lot. So here goes, I am going to first show a couple of the initial projects that I started with and then go ahead and add more along the way. BTW, did I let you in on another secret? I am an Aquarian and being the Jack of all trades --look at the spread of stuff that I started on! From painting, to sewing, to jewellery making, to baking! Here are some of it. I feel good, I feel great and I cannot believe January is not yet over and I have tried them all.. I am going to keep doing all of this until I can say that I have fallen in love with one particular line that I want to continue. Or, who knows? I may be doing them all!!!

Keys: I got a wooden unpainted block of key hanger and using 'Painter's' markers, just added color to the wooden block. Just something to see how the paint turned out to be.


















Earrings: These again I got the beads and all from a DIY kit and got myself busy doing it. As you can see from the shape and quality of the hooks, these are my first ones!

My Second earring pair

My first pair

Another new year

This past year had a lot of good things but a bunch of bad times for me from the end of the year...Yes! things I wished to change had not changed and I realize that things don't change on their own...I have to be the instrument of change...Hoping that this new year I can be the change I wish to see. So happy new year everybody! Rise and shine!!!

Gardening 101

 Bush rose..waiting for it to grow..Grows all summer, so grow up, buddy!!!

This one is a bunch of varied colours... I love the yellow in particular :) Daisies!

Tulips and others...

Geraniums

A beautiful set of blue hyacinths!

All these we bought at the start of spring this year and my DH helped me plant all of it while I sat on a chair sipping a cup of hot coffee on a lazy Saturday evening! Of course, I was the handy-man getting rid of some mulch, removing soil from one area to another, cleaning up the pathways as they got messy, and all other menial chores! All said, a very happy and contented evening after an hour of hard work!

What to expect from Atlantic City!

It has been quite some time when we went out to gamble! Oh what fun it is to gamble just a bit! I am the finance guru whenever we go to gamble simply because I somehow can restrict myself without getting too greedy or without wanting to try to win whatever we lost over and over again. So I decide to hold the purse strings which my DH reluctantly agrees J We start off with a budget for what he gets per day, and what I get for the entire trip (I love to have some fun but not too much coz I know how much I do sweat to earn that li’l paltry that I do earn!). Sometimes if the DH did end up losing it all very soon in the day and I have some winnings or if I haven’t spent it all I do share it with him. He is a poker dude as I would like to introduce…he not only loves poker but he is also good at it! I do watch poker stars on TV with him sometimes and jokingly ask when he is going to join that group! Well, all is well until of course he decides to do it for life! Keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn’t come up with such a decision….Not that I would want to restrict his interest or his way but it is just that as an Indian, we are more focused on providing for family and our extended families consisting of both our parents and our siblings and their families. Also, according to our whims and fancies somehow we Indians cannot simply go on with the flow like a river does..Neither would most Indian men raised in India. My DH though, has an ultimatum, to spend up to his 50^th year with us and I have told him if he is good until then, he can then go on to be a poker player for the rest of his life, provided his kids would let him lead that life as well!

  Usually I know the drill – we’ve been to Atlantic city a couple of times and to Las Vegas once; my DH ended up losing all his quota and also lost a bit borrowed from me – so I am bracing myself for a whole weekend, in fact two entire days and two half days of arguments, and fights and what not about how much to lose and when to call it quits at the casinos. DH had a very long, tiresome, and taxing week so I decide to let him have fun. I agree to be the designated driver throughout the trip and promise not to bother him while he is at play. Also, I do not have the holidays that he has and with my office working on Good Friday I do a remote login from the hotel on Friday as hubby ends up at the casino! Somehow, I do not envy him; I am happy he got some comp time on Thursday afternoon so he can drive up to my work place early and we start off on Thursday early afternoon, end up in AC around 7.30pm and head off to the casinos. I call it quits around 9.30pm, come back to the hotel with hubby and he leaves me at the lobby and goes back…..I try to spend some time watching TV but decide to get to bed early, wake up early, finish off work early so can start having fun at the casino…Somehow, kept tossing and turning and then ended up sleeping…Tick, tock, tick, tock….Around five’ish in the morning hubby returns with a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig smile saying he won a huge pot at the end and is so thrilled to start the next day…I am half asleep and half awake, but still end up pocketing the majority of his winnings (I know for certain that I have to hold on to some of it ‘coz he is bound to lose it all the next day!) Friday at the poker table he ends up losing so we go out for lunch at a famous Chinese cuisine near one of the casinos, take a small walk on boardwalk and then I head back to hotel to continue my work and he heads back to the casino…I finish work early and pack up our bags..I want to leave on Saturday as one of my friends has invited me over for lunch on Easter. Not sure how hubby is gonna react to starting for home the next day…I meet my DH at the casino, walk for a while again on boardwalk, and then I gamble a while. My usual play areas are slots and roulette and in both I end up losing around a total of 95 bucks. I tell myself this is more than what I should have lost and want to save the next five bucks that is also part of my budget. I go to check on my DH who is winning and doesn’t want to get up from the table. I sit with him for a while and then request that he drops me back at the hotel as I do not want to loiter alone in AC in the night. The same drill as yesterday and hubby leaves me at the lobby…returns back around 5:00am the next day and tells me that he lost whatever he had but that he is happy as he now knows that you cannot win every hand, every day at a poker table. I tell him about our friends invite and we decide to head back the next day.

                Overall, our daily budgets + our expenses for car, food, lodging = DH’s winning on Thursday night   which means- a totally happy me! One of us had the luck this time and our costs or expenses = our winnings.

This indeed ended up as one of our best gambling trips ever! So what do you expect from AC? Nothing. You may end up emptying your pockets or end up winning a little. In the end, what matters is your ability to call it quits when it is time to and when you haven't burned a large hole in your pocket!

Of Nightmares, Habits, Movements et al.

This was one bad weekend! Not something that I wished for but something I had anticipated quite a while ago...We all know the feeling/instinct that comes to some of us regarding something....a foreboding, like a deja vu, that this isn't going to be good...I had that for quite sometime and so wasn't keen on doing some stuff over the weekend! However, the DH was hell-bent on having to do the same stuff that I wasn't keen on doing. So long story short, the stuff ended the way I had anticipated - badly - and in ways that I had not even dreamed of - horribly!!!
  After the eventful day and evening, the night was full of bizarre nightmares, making the lovely ritual of snuggling under covers, and waking up all fresh and ready for the next day - sour grape! Woke up more miserable than the night, but thanking heavens for keeping us all safe through the ordeal and heaping praises on God who somehow knows when exactly that we need him and being there for us...I am reminded of the "footprints on the sands of time" and how God carries us in times of trouble and doesn't even let us walk beside him. Somehow, we all go through that phase sometime or the other during the course of our lives...I, and am sure my entire family, feel blessed for being here alive, whole, and ready for all the course of events that are going to follow from now onwards....
    Of Habits - Sometimes, we do not want to listen to others. We feel that we as adults know what to do and what not to do and refuse to heed to what others have to say. We refuse to listen to even our dear ones. All this, when deep down we may either know the other person in right, or may really be ignorant of how the habit is affecting the family, or refuse to even think about the habit...However, there comes a time when we have to decide what is most important in our lives, what our priorities in life are, what are the things that are more important to us than following some habits and leading a lifestyle that best suits us. And when we come to the point when we have to make the decision, I hope and pray that we make the right decision as these determine our lives, the lives of those we love who are around us.
   Of Movements- To add to the misery of the weekend, my lil one refused to move- just the little flutters now and then that I was starting to feel- making me dread our next appointment and also at the same time, wondering if I need to call it an emergency and get to the hospital immediately! Well, after giving us - me and my DH a mighty scare- my li'l one is now moving- or rather making me feel his little movements..the flutters inside..Oh what joy it is to be a mom! Oh what joy! The unhappiness, the pain, the anxiety, the distrust, the disturbances, and all that is negative gets packed away with one tiny lil flutter. Again, we are truly blessed to have a wonderful God, who has granted to us women this heavenly duty of caring for the bit of ours - our tot- until he/she is ready to face the world!
 I haven't said it enough so here I go once more...THANK YOU GOD!

தமிழுக்கு அமுதென்று பேர்...

தமிழர் அனைவருக்கும் என் இனிய தமிழ் புத்தாண்டு நல்வாழ்த்துக்கள். பதிவுகள் செய்ய ஆரம்பித்து சில நாட்களே அகியுள்ளமையால் என்ன எழுதுவதென்று யோசனையில் உள்ளேன். இந்நாளில் தமிழில் பதிவு செய்ய வேண்டும் என்ற ஆசையும் ஆர்வமும் உள்ளமையால் இதோ இந்த சிறிய முயற்சி. தமிழில் எழுதி பல ஆண்டுகள் ஆகிவிட்டன. பள்ளி நாட்களில் எழுதியது, படித்தது. எழுத்து பிழைகளின்றி எழுதும் சில மாணவிகளில் நானும் ஒருத்தி என்பதினால் எழுத தயங்குகிறேன். நக்கீரர் பரம்பரையோ என சிலர் கேலி செய்யும் அளவிற்கு இருந்த நான் இப்படி ஆனதுக்கு மிக முக்கிய காரணம் பள்ளிப்பருவம் முடிந்ததும் தமிழ் புத்தகங்களை படிக்காததுதான். வல்லினமா, இடையினமா என்ற வினா ஒவ்வொரு வாக்கியத்திலும் எழுகிறது. சந்திப்பிழைகள் உள்ளனவா என்ற அச்சம் உள்ளது. எதையோ பதிவு செய்ய தொடங்கி என் தயக்கத்தையும், அச்சத்தையும் பதிவு செய்கிறேன். இது எனக்கு ஒரு நல்ல பாடம். "சித்திரமும் கைபழக்கம் செந்தமிழும் நாப்பழக்கம்" என்பதுப்போல காலம் சிலவற்றை நாம் மறக்க காரணமாக இருக்கலாம். எனினும் அதை மறக்காமல் இருக்க நாம் முயற்சித்ததாக வேண்டும் என்ற ஒரு உணர்வை தந்துள்ளது. இது எனக்கு ஆரம்பமே..இனி தொடர்ந்து தமிழில் பதிவு செய்யப் போகிறேன் என்ற உறுதியுடன் என் பயணத்தை இன்று இங்கு முடிக்கிறேன்....மீண்டும் தொடரும்...

Beauty in everything...

There is beauty in everything. Just look around! With spring here, there is so much beauty that my eyes cannot stop seeing. A couple of days ago, me and my friends, found a neat little pond with a fountain that had started and birds happily swimming across...Trees blooming everywhere with flowers - white, pink, red, and many more...Taking a minute to look at these, to stop and stare, to stop and admire, a minute is all we need. The above picture is actually the view from my room. I open my eyes to these beautiful flowers and cannot but help smile! "What a wonderful world ...." is the tune with which I am starting my day, everyday...thanks to nature's beauty and bounty!
So all you folks out there, take a minute to stop, admire, and smile at the beauty that nature has bestowed upon us in the name of spring...and feel the energy that these bring on to you!!!

Who am I?

It has been quite sometime that I wrote on this. And, I am starting to get a panic attack :) Am I going back to forgetting to blog, am I going to do something else, and all that. But, it is just that I had got a ton of other stuff to do and I do not want to blah blah on the blog that I have not done it. I was just thinking that I need a blog on myself! Who am I? What am I going to  achieve? What is important in a person's/my life? So let me go ahead with documenting a few things, without having to go on a blah blah blah of questions!

   I am a woman getting close to the thirties, getting close to accepting, loving, and understanding this stranger with whom I started sharing my life close to a year and a half ago, and getting closer to being  a mom of our first child, among other things. I am a working woman but would rather give that up in helping to raise a healthy, lovable, well-behaved, good son! Yup that's going to be my first-born - a son! I am reading and have in the past read so many books, and articles on how to raise children or be a good parent which put one seed onto my head. Teach your child by deeds rather than words; kids learn by watching rather than by listening. So here I am: with the start of a new career, a new wife, a newer mom, trying to get rid of all or at the very least most of my vices and trying to be a good role-model for my son as he is starting to grow inside me. I can see the difference, a difference, that never happened before in me as well. I am growing along with him, into a better, more responsible person. Well I tell myself if anyone can be a mom, I can! I am not perfect, cannot be perfect, but can make changes, accommodate new life styles to suit another tiny li'l one who is going to be taking up the largest part of our hearts....

...I cannot believe that I chose to write about my thoughts, ambitions, my life, and ended up writing about this lil guy ;) Anywyz now our life is going to revolve around this bud, so be it!

Million Things....

There are a million unrelated stuff that I want to write about...and dedicating a post for each is not what I want to do..so here are some of the million things - those that I know, those that I want to learn, those that I want to do and so on ...

•  To do lists were not in my list of to do things every day ;) until I realized what a boon it can be, sometimes. I suddenly seem to have got a streak of forgetfulness for no apparent reason other than the fact that I am not using my gray cells the way they needed to be used! And, that made me forget so many small things that needed to be done. Well, if I am around fifty I could say I am getting old, but I am not and so I decided that I for one shouldn't be forgetting these small things, and until I get cured of this I needed to find a solution for my problem. That is when, a bunch of sticky notes of varying sizes at my desk caught my attention! I haven't been using them except when I needed to pass some information to another person or jot down a phone number quickly... I decided then and there to pick up the largest sticky note and add a list of things that I could remember, the list of things that needed to be done. The first weekend I took it home, I dint even so much so as glance into it. But, I still kept at it. I decided the next week, that I will try it first at work, then at home! So I made a list of things that needed to be done at work and scratched them off as I completed each task! How effortless it seemed when I first finished going through my entire sticky note stuff! After a couple of days, I gained some confidence and took a note home...Well, I dint get around to complete the entire list, but I did manage to do more than I would have otherwise...So I am going to stick on to the sticky note - to do list as long as I have to..until my gray cells repair themselves and get my memory back!
• It is said that old habits die hard and so I want to convert a few new habits to old. This is the most important of the lot - I used to exercise five times a week and allz usually well in summer but when winter comes, I want some fat added up to make myself warm ;) and so I do not exercise. But then, other factors made me start to exercise in February, this year and I cannot be happier than now. All I want to do, though, is to make this an unbreakable habit!
• Shouldn't relive the past...Good old days, yeah right! In all the thoughts of the past, I sometimes miss out on my present and the planning for the future..In the words of Hubert Humphrey: "The good old days were never that good, believe me. The good new days are today, and better days are coming tomorrow. Our greatest songs are still unsung." I also remember another sentence: "Keep the fork, for the best is yet to come!" So I am going to hold on to my fork from now onwards!
• "It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities" - Sir Josiah Stamp. Two things rob people of their peace of mind: Work unfinished, and work not yet begun. And I have plenty along those very two! Unable to prioritize or inability to stick to the goals is what keeps me drifting away. I need to gather all my stuff and be ready to complete, toss, and get rid of some of the burden I am carrying!

My million things aren't over yet, but my day is going to....so let me finish off with these four for now...Later, I will do a part two to see my progress and also to add more things :) Ciao!

My first post for the x-th time!

I have been starting new blogs and writing them...but never keeping it consistent..never continuing it..and not ready to spend some time dedicating to writing something. Also, I have been an avid reader all my life but not really penned anything....so I always had the doubts if what I write is going to be worthwhile. Next comes the issue of am I going to show myself-my strengths, my weaknesses, who I am- to the entire world? The www is not going to be easy on me; how can I withhold my identity and/or discuss issues without creating trouble for me and everyone around me? These are questions and doubts that I always had and thus kept starting and deleting blogs very soon. So this time, I decided not to tell who I am..but with all the rantings everyone is going to know that this sure is a woman! So what is obvious I have added; whatever I consider otherwise, I am going to try to avoid. So no names, no other people's names...nothing to complicate my life and those around me; just a few rantings here and some musings there to make myself better. Sometimes, if we keep a record of our thoughts, our deeds, we will be more accountable. Or, that is what I always have felt...So here I am finishing my first post for the x-th time and hoping that I do not go through the ordeal of deleting this profile too and going on a sabbatical until another one starts!